I would just like to take this chance to state, for the record, that I hate kobolds. I mean I really hate the little bastards. They’re quick, vicious, smart, and seem to have nothing better to do than harass local farmers. Goblins can be annoying, but they generally turn on each other before causing too many problems, and their larger cousins the Orcs are quite dangerous. I have encountered all 3 over the course of my travels and I have to admit, I hate Kobolds the worst. I recently encountered a tribe of them outside a small village in the middle of nowhere, just past the part of nowhere that borders somewhere on the edge nowhere. (this is my subtle way of saying I had no fricking clue where I was at the time)

How did I arrive at this location? I walked. How is it that I was in the position to walk here? It’s a long story. Short version is I was a caravan guard until recently and now I am not. The caravan reached the destination, never did catch the town’s name, and the old bas…gentleman paid us and decided to sell off everything, carts and all. He’s enjoying his money with a bevy of beauties with no morals and as much as I hate him, I do understand him. So here we all were stuck in dinky town with no available work. I tried to get a job with the new owner but he had brought his own guards and had limited openings. Quite a few of us were left high and dry. I decided this was a great chance to take a vacation (I took the hint that merc’s aren’t welcome in that town after the large mob of people with torches and pitchforks asked us to leave).

So, there I was walking through some light brush enjoying nature (not a lot though) and I came to a small stream. This wasn’t too much of a surprise as I had heard it for a while now, so I figured upon inspection that crossing it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I was filling my water skins when the river sprouted what looked to be a javelin just to my right. In all my times filling a water skin I had never seen a stream sprout a javelin so I made a quick deduction that something was not right. As I spun around, reading my shield and reaching for a weapon, I saw 2 Kobolds rushing out of the trees at me with javelins and shields.

“Only two?” I thought to myself, “not much of a workout”. I set myself and began to go to work. The 2 kobolds were quite impressed with my skills, or at least I take the widening of their eyes as a sign of being impressed. As I was finishing off the second one 2 more came rushing out of the trees at me and a larger one wearing armor with glowing runes on it looked at me and began gesturing with his hands.

This was a cause of great concern to me.

As I was finalizing numbers 3 and 4, the one in the tree line waved his hand at me. Almost like he was shooing an insect away and I felt heat. Incredible heat. Scorching heat. He had set me on fire with a wave of his hand! I really hate Kobolds… Interesting fact, did you know that if you are set on fire with magic, and you throw yourself into a river it keeps burning? Or maybe it was just my imagination at the time. It hurt. Also, I learned that it is dam hard to swim in plate armor. Luckily a friendly tree floated over and offered me a ride. I decided to take it up on its kind offer and hung on until I had traveled several miles. I didn’t care to repeat this experience so as I let the tree take me downstream I had decided that maybe I should vacation elsewhere. As I reached this decision, my ride stopped on the shore to let me off. I took this as a hint.

When Fate drops a hint that large, even I can notice it. So, with the decision made, it was time to move on! I think I hear cattle nearby, so there must be a farm house or a ranch close then. Maybe they can give me directions to the closest village so I can figure out where I am. Maybe Fate will be kind enough to provide a means of travel out of here and into a better life.

I hate kobolds.


Beer and pretzles roleplaying jstomel